The Silver Lining

9 months…almost 9 months since I first decided that I’ve had enough of my current job, my job profile, this city and everything else that comes along with it, I still find myself in the very same environment, with the same feeling of having had enough, wanting to get out as quickly as I can. With just one slight difference.

All I saw then, and in the subsequent 7 odd months, was the fact that I was no longer doing the work I saw myself doing long-term, nor was I in the city or the company I wanted to be in. There was no point in staying back any longer, and each passing day was just another day wasted.
Now, with 9 months having passed since, there are a few realizations that have dawned. The surprising difficulty in moving out and finding a suitable job did raise self doubts about one’s ability & past choices made and brought to fore the uncertainties that life has to offer. However, rather fortunately, when it could just have all tipped over to reaching a stage of disillusionment, shaken self-confidence, pointless existence and many more such uncomfortable and lowly feelings, did a small light shine in the most unexpected of ways.

A twisted ankle, a torn ligament, inability to walk for 2 weeks followed by non-sporting action for at least 2 months – could have been just the final nail in the coffin of an already downward spiral of self-belief and purpose.
However, surprisingly and thankfully, that feeling lasted no more than a few hours. And it was a few hours, only because I forced myself to feel that I was terribly unlucky, that this latest occurrence was just further proof of my continued bad luck, and not because I really felt so.

Somewhere deep inside, there was a sense of calm. While everyone around seemed upset and anxious about me being out of action, I – who should really have been the one with those anxieties – didn’t find it all that bad, not even the prospect of the injury being a life long one. It suddenly seemed like it was not such a big deal, it could happen with anyone, and the one single thought that’s underlined my belief ever since – there must be some good in it. The proverbial silver lining in the cloud. The belief that had diminished with each passing day in those 7 months, seemed to have miraculously resurfaced, without even giving a proof of its existence, and in fact at a time when I might have questioned it even more.

I bided my time till I became mobile, but the moment I did, there was another realization – and an equally important one – that dawned. That it was alright to take solace in the fact that there must be some good in everything that happens, but for that good to surface and have a bearing on one’s life, the effort has to be put in even while going through one’s current ordeal. It isn’t enough to just be waiting for the time to pass, one has to work towards making it pass. And as you do that, you start to enjoy the current phase too. You discover things that you might not have otherwise, you do things that you didn’t think you were capable of doing. And the contentment of making the most of one’s time, to the best of one’s ability and opportunity, is unparalleled.

And so it was with me. Starting with the slow and painful process of physiotherapy, the long distance till the doctor’s clinic felt a stone’s throw away. The twice a day routine of the same 6 exercises to strengthen the ankle was an event that I eagerly looked forward to. While excited about the prospect of getting back to fitness, I also exercised restraint and went slower than the doctor’s advice, going more by what the body seemed to be telling me.
The day the ankle was load-bearing, I hit the gym. Usually, I’d have waited till the ankle had healed – using that as an excuse that I anyways would not be able to do any leg exercises. Instead, I saw it as an opportunity to start off with the upper body, and others like sit ups, while at the same time continuing with the physio for the ankle. Slowly but surely, the ankle got better and I could jog, and subsequently do the court exercises.

Today, a few days after I’ve started playing and doing slow stroke practice, I see the number of positives that I’ve discovered in the whole process. From trying to just get the ankle into shape, to regaining some fitness, to actually trying to be match fit, I may never have made this effort had it not been for the injury. I’d have been content playing for pleasure, and let myself believe that I didn’t really have the time to try and do anything more. But today, I do realize that it’s up to me to find that time, to not only remain healthy and fit, and play reasonably competitively, but also to take a shot at a couple of unfulfilled dreams. At the same time, it helps me get along my professional life, and dispel all notions about lack of self-confidence or career choices, for this may not be possible in the new job that I take up. I sign off with the hope, rather belief, that the next time I write about my progress, I’d have moved one step closer to those dreams, and may have even discovered more goals and another purpose along the way.